There’s nothing else to say…the second you closed the door in my face I decided to quit you “cold turkey”. You took all of my stuff and through them on the sidewalk out of vengeance. You wanted to be free from all the heartache I gave you. Then so be, I will pick up what is left of my life off the sidewalk and move forward. I know deep down in my soul I tried my best to make you happy even though I knew you didn’t deserve it. I changed who I was for you; I became anti-social with my friends because you wanted all my attention. During our relationship I gained weight not out of love simply to justify all of my mistakes. I rarely spoke my mind only to avoid future disputes. The bond is now broken and I won’t be there console you when you’re down nor to give you the love you once knew. You think you might have won by throwing out a few of my personal things in the trash. But I have the higher ground; you forgot to realize all of my tears are now locked inside your bedroom walls for you to keep. Allow my sorrow to keep you company and remind you all that you have done. After a while I will find a way to repair my heart so that I am not damage goods for the next person who might be the right one for me! I will come to terms that I wasn’t your 1st choice I was simply disposed for a better version. The day might come when you feel remorse for your actions maybe even ask me for a second chance. That will be the day I will be walking down the aisle and I am no longer called Ms. yet Mrs. You will wander in the universe with tears in your eyes finding it hard to good bye to the love of your life who is now miles away.
I was hunger so I gave you everything I had in order to get paid. I wanted MY people to be better in life so I allowed them to use me as a voice. Even though she knew I belittled women in my music videos for entertainment, my mother was always my number one fan. I didn’t consistently make the smartest decisions but I guess that’s part of being human. I trusted the wrong people & as a result I was involved in a senseless battle called Eastcoast vs Westcoast. My apologize if you felt that I left you guys too soon.. but my work here was done. I inspire rappers like Eminem & Lil Wayne to dominate the billboard charts for months. I had the biggest honor any rapper can ever receive in 1997 Berkeley College honored me by distributing my work to students as Poetry courses. So, I leave you with this learn from my death remember my words and fight for what is yours because it is a very cynical world. See you in the other side!
Written by E. J Ponte
“Of course i’m going to say “i’m a thug” that’s because I came from the GUTTER and i’m still HERE!” Tupac Shakur
What wouldn’t I give to have ONE MORE CHANCE in the booth, spitting a few rhymes for a new album. To have the crowd HYPNOTIZE with my tight verse as they cheered me on while I’m on stage. To go back to the block to visit my boys and say I GOT A STORY TO TELL. To remind Faith Evans it was ONLY YOU and to tell my kids they’re my biggest VICTORY. To pop bottles up in the club and dance to PLAYER’S ANTHEM one last time.Talk to 2Pac and assure him that I wasn’t involved with WHO SHOT YA. To light up some BLAZING CHRONIC with the Junior Mafia in between recordings. To chill with that white boy called Em would’ve been nice….he sounds UNBELIEVABLE. My bad Puff life isn’t ALL ABOUT THE BENJAMINS. Yeah,I told Lil Cease I was GOING BACK TO CALI cuz that was the plan. I wasn’t READY TO DIE!! My ROAD TO RICHES was cut short but not because of my SUICIDAL THOUGHTS simply because shit happens. To all of my fans chase your DREAMS because SKY’S THE LIMIT. Mom..LIFE AFTER DEATH isn’t all that bad and I LOVE YOU. And to the world Remember I am and always will be BROOKLYN”S FINEST!
One afternoon during recess I noticed something disturbing in the teacher’s lounge. I placed my purse and folders on the table near my coffee. In the back of my head I assume the teachers were in a heated debt regarding the new price over cigarettes. From a distance it appeared that all the teachers were huddled together like a football team out in a field towards the back of the lounge. Finally, I decided to walk toward the crowd to see what all the commotion was about. I found my colleagues surrounding an African-American student, while she stood on top of a stool reaching for her textbook. It was like a scene from a movie she was reaching for book as if she was playing pickle in the middle. Coach James seems to be the ringleader of scandal and stood over the student chuckling. While she reached for her book he told her “now I know you can jump higher than that.” My colleagues were taunting this poor girl for amusement which made it worse. She was the only African-American girl in the entire school. Her name was Rosalind and she wasn’t even ten years old. She arrived to our school nearly two weeks ago. In those two weeks I have seen Rosalind bullied and outcast by her school mates and now teachers. I was glad to hear that as of next month the School District was planning to allow five other African-American students to attend our School. I had a great sense of relief that Rosalind would not be alone in a strange school for much longer.
I cannot explain the emotions that ran through when I saw Rosalind on that stool. The taunting became white noise as I forced myself through the crowd. Rosalind face haunts me to this day her eyes said “please help me.” as she held back her tears. I safely removed her off the stool and walked her away from the humiliation. Disappointed Mrs. Taylor asked me” where was going? “I walked towards the exit holding Rosalind hand and shouted out “you all should be ashamed of yourselves!” There was total silence in the Teacher’s lounge due to my reaction. I escorted Rosalind back to her class room but before she entered the class room I decided to fix her hair and dress. And before I knew it I found myself kneeling in front of this innocence child with tears in my eyes. Segregation was still alive and well at our school and I was a shamed that our own teachers were encouraging it. Desegregation was close but not close enough. Unfortunately, Rosalind was young and had to weather the storm alone in this school. I just hoped that today’s event don’t break her spirit instead it made her stronger for future obstacles. I wanted her to learn from this situation and rise above the pain she had endured. I whispered into her ear that I was so sorry for what just had happened. She whipped my tears from my face and said “it’s ok.” She then turned around and went inside the class room. No one would ever know how much I admired her strength at that moment. Recess was almost over so I decided to walk back to my room. Then suddenly I heard a was a loud pop, it sounded like someone dropped a text book on the floor. I leaned on the wall for what seemed to be the longest minute of my life. I felt pressure on the back of my head, as I continued to fall to the floor. Blood began to run down my blouse it was coming out my head. By the time my body reached the floor, I knew someone full of hate threw something at me. The sound of footsteps vaguely echoed through the hallway, I was unease as the assailant stood over me. The person said, “They should have never allowed that coon to attend our school” sadly, those were the last words I heard. I was a victim of a heinous crime and I never saw my killer’s face. All I remember was the smell of an apple near my face as I bled to death.
Years became decades… I still looked the same. For some reason I’ve been unable to leave Ashton Davison Elementary. I felt as if I was miles away from everyone and my only companion was my despair. But recently, I figured out the reason why I lingered at the school for this long. It was to witness change. I remember the day Ashton Davison Elementary finally came out of its cocoon and transformed into a butterfly. The dull pale walls and dark gray locks changed into blue walls and colorful drawings from the second graders. The walls also had baseball banner from the 5th grade. The gloomy hallways were now filled with warmth and illumination. The atmosphere at my school was blissful, it was as thick fog was finally lifted from school. In all my years I never envision Caucasian boys and African American boys playing together in the same schoolyard. I cheered on when the School District announced Maylene Yung and Sandra Lopez first prize winners for the School’s Science fair. Longing to teach I still find myself sitting in the back of a classroom while teachers read out loud to their students. But no reward can compare itself to the gift that I received a few months ago from a former student of Ashton Davison. Teaching Mathematics only two doors down from my old class room was Rosalind. The proudest day of any teacher’s life is watching a former student rise above all obstacles and fulfilled their dreams. I’ve come to the conclusion that my death was not in vain. Students from all types of background & race has entered this school eager to learn. I’m a strong believer that whoever threw me that apple didn’t see this one coming….a school that served mixed fruits.
Sneak peek of my book entitled ” The Four Seasons”
We have marvelous nose, eyes and mouth, for our kind to consort with a plastic surgeon is unheard of. We have no use for air brush due to our flawless skin. We never gain any weight and can change our hair style/color within seconds. In the human eye we were made in sheer perfection. We are privileged to wear the most fashionable clothes shipped from all around the world. The irony is we possess all the glamour and fame you wish you had. Even though we’re built for certain things; there are times when a few of us would like to experience the simple things life has to offer such as a touch,a drink of water or even feeling the warmth of the sun. We know it’s impossible but we can always dream. In reality we’re lock away in boxes hidden in a dark room out of sight from everyone. Chances of us being liberated from this place are slim but not impossible. I overheard a fellow talking he said “I trade in all of my beauty simply to have a heartbeat & feel some sort of a connect.” Next thing I knew we all agree that the next sales associate who dared to walk into this forgotten stock room will suffer our madness. By punishing the associate and allowing him or her to live a life as we do….mannequins.
You took a sledgehammer and broke my walls down and because of you that pain is now a distant memory. The day you kissed me I knew I was home.Your smile control me and enchants me still to this day. You didn’t tell me you love me you instead you showed me your love. You make me want to be a better wife and mother because you lead by example. I don’t know how to repay you for all the laughter and peace you have given me. I vowed to cherish each moment that I am blessed with you and I can not wait to grow old with you.